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Monday, January 30, 2012

My play

Hello my little fans,

Well just thought I'd tell you about my play 'Aunty May's Big Day'. I have booked the Kings theatre in Feb 2013 to premier the show. It stars Andy (jowelly) Gray and myself. Its about our normal every day life as a married couple (we're acting it's not for real) and when we both see Britain's Got Talent is auditioning we both secretly want to go in for it. Andy as an Elvis impersonator and me with my singing dancing girls 'The Tenna Ladies" I hope it happens but there is one problem. If Andy is doing the Susan Boyle musical in 2013 and the dates clash we will have to postpone it till he is available. However my Allan has an alternative show to put into the Kings if mine doesn't work out.
I spent some time in Edinburgh this year and had some photos done with Andy. I will be putting them on the web site very soon. I'm also thinking of joining facebook and twatter....sorry twitter. Mind you not very good with technology.
Ok everybody keep and eye out for news of the play.


May xxx

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I see that Kate (princess) wants to be called Katherine..... I think the Prince should be called Prince Will I am.
I also don't see why Fergie should be invited to the wedding....I haven't been.
I don't see what all the fuss is about Gaddaffi. I've seen a lot of the Gaddaffi duck Disney cartoons and he seems alright.
Loved, absolutely loved Mrs Brown on her new BBC series last night. If only I was allowed to say fuck in my shows.
Congrats to Michael Harrison for his win in the Whats on Stage awards for Chess.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Aunty Mays rant

Hello, You know I've just realised that I'm wasting my wee Allan's blog I could be telling you what I think about everything that is annoying me....and there's plenty.

So.....where to start. That Andy Gray stuff....thank God its not my wee Andy. I saw this girl in the Mail on Sunday saying that she had been hounded out of her job by Mr Gray's disgusting taunts....then lo and behold hidden deep in the article we find out that she inadvertently threw a bottle which hit a girl on the head and split it open, she then went outside and fell over (all because the girl accused her of sleeping with the producer....which she was) and then spent time in a mental home. And this is the woman who has come out of the woodwork several years later to talk about abuse from Andy Gray. Shame on you Mail on Sunday.

I read today that the Egypt problem is escalating. They say Jordon might be next.....that Katie Price will do anything for publicity.

Milawai is banning farting. Thank God my wee Allan doesn't have any gigs there...

Cant stand that silly Welsh bird on the One show.....Alex my mother would have said, she's a right squeche (pronounced as in Loch)

Really into Daybreak now, not because my wee Ross King is on it but because its settled down now and Adrian and Christine are not trying so hard.

I see that woman talked about her daughter waxing.... that's not right. I just let it all hang out now. In fact you've heard of a Brazilian well I've had a Poirot (think of his moustache I have to explain everything.

Ok watch this space I may rant at anytime


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

yoo hoo

I haven't written for so long, I should be ashamed of myself. I just never seem to have the time nowadays. I'll have to be careful with all these scams happening in the news of the world at the moment. Imagine if I had been offered money for access to my wee Allan. Mind you I'd have done it for a tenor. I recently went to see Michael Buble (cant find the wee tick above the 'e' but you know who I'm talking about) He is a stoater. If I was a few years younger you would hear the woosh of my underpants fall to the ground if I met him. If I met him now you'd hear the thud of my tena ladies. Oh I'm sorry sometimes I can be so crude. I'm looking forward to Andy Gray coming back to the Panto this year. We had a wee thing for each other a few years ago. I've just bought a new house near Allan, its so expensive in London. I saw in the paper that the Queen's Windsor Palace was valued at £395 million. Can you imagine how much it would have been worth if she hadn't built it so near Heathrow airport. Always remember...location location location. I'm away for a wee cup of tea and an empire biscuit. See you soon.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

the highest bidder.

Hello every one, well Allan's almost at the end of the Jolson and Co tour. I've been to see him a few times. Mainly because I fancy the sound man. Graham. Very good looking and he understands that my hearing isn't so good and knows just how loud to whisper in my ear. Unfortunately he hasn't taken the hint and has ignored all my advances. Which brings me to the reason for this blog. 
I read in the paper today that a young girl auctioned her virginity on the web. I immediately thought ....what a good idea. I could do that. Now you may think, is  May  still a virgin. I'm no Susan Boyle. Which reminds me, I'm a lot better looking than her and a better singer. Anyway, its been so long time since I had a wee bit. I'm now officially a born again virgin. So I could actually advertise my self as a virgin and see how much I can get. I wouldn't consider it for anything less than a tenor. The young girl got £9000 but I suppose she had age on her side. But never under estimate experience. So I shall await some bids. Don't let me down now.
Oh I met a lovely lassie the other day. She was interviewing Allan for a show on Alba TV. Her name was Cathy McDonald. (maybe we are related) She was very complimentary to me. She speaks funny though.
I'm also thinking of following in Joanna Lummley. I think all Gherkins show be allowed to stay in Scotland.
Anyway I'll speak to you soon.
Aunty May. xxx

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

my boy

Well, I'm so proud of my wee boy. Not only to see him in such a great show as Jolson & Co, but to know that he is on stage and not in frock. You see I get so annoyed when I hear people calling him a poof. I mean just because you wear a bra and tights doesn't mean your a shirt lifter. And then we had all that stuff in the papers about putting on that black make up. I mean to say we all know that Al Jolson was a black man who whited up during the day, and as this show is about a radio show which takes place during the day he would obviously be white. I don't see what all the fuss is about. Thank goodness he's not doing a show about Michael Jackson's life....what would he do then.
Anyway I saw the show on its opening night and the audience loved it. I was sitting next to an old woman who threw her pants at him.....not a pretty sight. They were those big bloomer ones. They nearly had is eye out. 
The show opens officially tonight so all the press people will be there. I told Allan I would be willing to sleep with the journalist to help get good reviews but he said no. Quite emphatically. 
Ok must go I have a to make a chocolate sponge for Allan's opening night present.
May x

Sunday, December 21, 2008

panto again

Hello all you lovely people. Well its that time of the year again. Sorry I haven't written since last year but I've not been well. Had it all taken away.....tables chairs the lot. I feel fine now but the hot flushes are driving me mad. Everyone tells me I should be over it all by now but I've always been a late starter. I didn't loose my virginity till I was 28. Well that is if you don't count the time I had a fling with a 'well known Scottish actor' when I was 18. We did have sex but I always remember the 'well known Scottish actor' saying he knew I was enjoying it because my toes were curling up. I never told him I hadn't taken my tights off.
Anyway enough of my younger years. I'm totally off men at the moment. Who needs them. I've got my Allan. He's had a Stenna chair lift thing installed in my house. I feel just like Thora Hurd as I zoom up and down the stairs. Once I'm fully recovered I wont use it.... unless I've had a few advocats. Grant Stott came to visit me the other day. I think he fancies me actually, but he's not my type. He's married anyway. I was in Tesco the other day. If those check out staff ask me one more time. "Do you have a Tesco card" I'll scream. NO I DON'T HAVE A FXXXXXXX TESCO CARD..... Sorry, and I need a bag as well...... where do you want me to put my loaf, sugar, milk, butter, water, tea, fruit, cerial, and advocat. Any way have a lovely christmas. x


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